Did you hear the one about the politician?
Recently, half the country was upset by the results of the midterm elections, and the other half was elated.
Politics is causing us all more stress than it should be anyway, but there’s still some humor to be enjoyed. Since Congress has a lower approval rating than polio, here are some fun quotes to share:
It’s so cold today that the congresswoman had her hands in her pockets.
The opposite of “pro” is “with”, so the opposite of progress is: Congress.
Q: What did the crooked congressman order for lunch on Election Day? A: Full ballots.
Here’s one of my favorite old congressman jokes: A congressman is walking through DC when he’s approached by a robber with a gun. “Give me all your money,” says the robber. “They can’t rob me,” says the congressman. “I am an esteemed member of the United States Congress.” “Then give me all MY money!” says the robber.
Too often, people think the discussion in Washington is between Republicans and Democrats, but it’s really between voters and politicians and our ever-growing government, as this joke well illustrates:
Three contractors submit bids to fix a broken fence at the White House. Contractor 1 tells a White House official that he can do it for $800. Contractor 2 says that he can do it for $700. Contractor 3 says that he can do it for $2,700. “How did you come up with such a high number?” the official asks the third contractor. “Easy. You give me $2,700. I give you $1,000. I keep $1,000. Then we hire contractor 2 to fix the fence for $700!”
We recently lost one of our best political humorists, PJ O’Rourke, whose humor was full of truth:
“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,” he said, “the first things that are bought and sold are the legislators. There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you please,” he said. “And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to bear the consequences. A little government and a little luck are necessary in life,’ he said, ‘but only a fool trusts either of them.’
I have long written about our rapidly growing public debt (I have documented its massive increase over the last decade), but no one explained government waste better than O’Rourke: “It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money. through inefficiency and laziness,” he said. “It takes enormous effort and elaborate planning to waste so much money.”
Unfortunately, while human imperfections abound in our government and electoral process, things could get worse, as one Russian citizen notes: “Americans complain that it takes a long time to get a final result of their elections,” he says. “In my country we know our results months in advance!”
The best thing we can do during an election is to remember that there will be another election. Let us hope and pray that the candidates who win are the ones who offer our country the best solutions.
In the meantime, the best we can do is learn from the example of President Carter. Although he only served one term, he left the White House with a tremendous sense of humor. “My esteem in our country has risen substantially,” he said, leaving office. “It’s really nice now when people wave at me, that they use all their fingers.”
Copyright 2022 Tom Purcell, distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Newspaper Syndicate. He is a humor columnist for the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. Email him at [email protected]